Hubby calls my blogging, my therapy hour, and he is so totally right. Who knew trying to loose weight could mess with your mind so much! Especially doing it so publicly.
On some days I feel proud of myself. I feel like I’ve actually committed and this time I will do it! Other days I feel like my goal is just too far away. I begin to doubt myself. Can I really do this? Am I really ever going to comfortably wear a bikini in public? Most days I just feel depressed and embarrassed, why have I been struggling my entire life with 20 pounds? If I haven’t lost it in 29 years, what makes me think I can do it now?
To add to my depressing blog, it’s time for a confession. My 3 day shakeology cleanse was a huge success! I lost 4.6 pounds by Friday morning. On Saturday morning I gained back a pound, which I totally expected. Your intestines are almost empty by the time you finish the cleanse, so going back to normal eating habits fills them back up a bit (yeah, gross mental pic). Saturday evening was my cheat meal. Well, aside from my shakeology for breakfast, I pretty much went overboard and made it a cheat day. I mean, I was going to start the 20 day challenge on Sunday right? So why not indulge before things get really hard core. OMG that’s exactly my problem! I reason with myself until I convince me that it’s ok to pig out. Well it’s not ok, and I gained 1.4 pounds from the total 3.6 I had lost from the cleanse. I took two steps forward and one step back. I honestly feel ashamed. I actually considered not telling you and hoping to loose it on the first week of the cleanse… but I want this to be an honest blog. I want people who read this to know this journey was a hard one, full of bumps in the road (hopefully not too many more).
Despite all this, today has actually been a really good day. I’m on day 3 of the challenge, and I’ve been doing great! This blog has me feeling accountable, and all of the support and nice messages I receive make me think “if everyone else believes in me, maybe its time I believe in me”
Love, health and happiness!
-Carina
OMG Carina!! I know exactly how you feel!! Just take everyday as it comes. Yes, some days will be better than others. But as long as you keep your goal in sight and know what it's going to take to get there...you'll get there! I believe in you! Keep rocking it!!
ReplyDeleteYOU CAN DO IT!!!! I know you will be able to wear that bikini and look amazing!!! I completely understand you!!! I think it is amazing too that you are doing this and the guts that you have to share it with all of us!! YOU ARE BRAVE!!
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